My Thoughts on the Advent Soup Suppers, December 2011

by Mike Gettel-Gilmartin

We were fortunate this Advent to have a wonderful speaker for a fascinating topic. Sarah Peyton (www.empathybrain.com) proved to be a fountain of knowledge on the working of the brain and a skilled facilitator on the subject of nonviolent communication. I learned three major things.

All about the amygdala: The amygdala is an almond-shaped mass of nuclei located deep within the temporal lobe of the brain. This limbic system structure is involved in many of our emotions and motivations, particularly those related to survival. The amygdala processes emotions such as fear, anger, and pleasure, and determines which memories are stored and where they are stored in our brains. When we feel threatened, the amygdala grabs control and we flip our lids. Sarah demonstrated this effectively by folding her fingers over her thumb in the middle of her open palm. When the amygdala feels threatened, the fingers fly open (the “flipped lid” effect) and no energy or information flows to or from the prefrontal cortex.

Feelings and needs: Sarah talked about the different feelings we have when our needs are not being met and how important it is to recognize these underlying needs. We practiced expressing these to each other in small groups. She also introduced us to the concept of faux feelings, which are evaluative words like ”rejected” or ”threatened.“ These types of words suggest that someone is doing something TO you, which can in turn create feelings of greater distance. Sarah then shared the concept of “giraffe words,” which connect back to the heart. For example, instead of blurting out, “I’m feeling rejected,” we would do well to rephrase this as “I’m feeling (hurt/scared/angry) because my need for (inclusion/acknowledgement/connection) is not being met.” Again, we practiced using these giraffe words instead of “jackal” (or alienating) words.

Hearing that someone was expressing an unmet need was an “Aha!” moment for me. It disengaged my fight-or-flight response, and got me thinking of ways in which I might help the person meet their needs.

Intentional listening: Finally, I saw the power of intentional listening in action, when one of our community members demonstrated movement along an “anger line.” When this person’s concerns were listened to without us giving her advice, we saw a visible change in her bearing and even her complexion. The flush that anger had produced in her disappeared, and she became calmer.

This article gives a good overview of much of what Sarah covered. Thanks to everyone involved in creating the Advent soup supper program. Not only did we receive delicious food for our bodies, we also received much food for thought and sustenance for our souls.

Luke 1: 46-55
And Mary said: My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for God has been mindful of the humble state of this servant.  From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the mighty one has done great things for me -- holy is God's name.  God's mercy extends to those who fear God, from generation to generation. God has performed mighty deeds with an arm; has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts, has brought down rulers from from their thrones, but has lifted up the humble, has filled the hungry  with good things, but has sent the rich away empty, has helped God's servant Israel , remembering to be merciful to Abraham and Sarah and their descendants  forever, just as was promised our ancestors.

and from "Response to New Trends in Religious Life:a Franciscan Experience by Ilia Delio, OSF

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Reflections
Without Mary's "yes" to God' s invitation to carry Jesus we would not be celebrating  Advent. It is also helpful to remember that we too are called to give birth to Christ. In the Gospel message, Mary writes about herself:  "God has been mindful of the humble state of this servant. In a section of the Delio article, she recognizes our call to name the good that exists, to  identify with the  good as sister or brother and to help bring Christ to birth.  Our goal is to share the human condition because in solidarity of personhood we see the goodness of God shining through fragile humanity. They both see our fragility  and yet call us to make Christ alive, to birth Christ from within.

 We cannot see God in ordinary flesh, without seeing God first in our own human hearts.  Therefore it is necessary to hold solitude, prayer and silence as important dimensions to our every day life.  The pattern of Jesus' life is fundamental to life, especially the values of compassionate forgiveness, reconciliation, love and peace. In striving for these precious qualities, we are whole makers.  To be saved is to attain a healthy life for a healthy compass.  While I believe that Jesus is the Christ, I also believe that Christ is more  than Jesus because as Word Incarnate, Christ includes every person every creature and the whole universe.  Therefore what God has done to Mary, we see that what God wishes to do to each and every one of us.

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1. Are there situations where you sense a call to be a   "whole-maker"?

2. How do you see the world as rich in God's blessings?

3. How do you see that the universe is incomplete, in which Christ is still coming to be?

4.  What are the implications of the following belief:  Our goal is to share the human condition because in solidarity of personhood we see the goodness of God shining through fragile humanity?

5.  What does Advent teach you about living as a person in relationships?

6.  Is there a reflection which you would like to add to questions? If so, please do.

 Luke 2
 15-18 As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. "Let's get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us." They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.
 19-20 Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they'd been told!

Images, emotions and memories surround these familiar words: “ Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger.”   Seeing was believing.”  Mary, the mother of God.

As long as I can remember the first Christmas decoration that came out in my childhood and for over forty years in our  own home is the nativity set.  I inherited ours  from a great aunt.  It is not fancy, it is depression era, and several pieces have been mended, some are missing. Four generations have moved these ceramic pieces around.  The hand made stable has the remnants of a label –it was built from a box of oranges imported from Japan.   I walk by each day, say a little prayer, and often rearrange a piece or two.  

 So how 2000 years later do I see and believe.  I see through experiences of grace in my life, the unexpected glimpses of God’s work within and among us.

Moments from today:

•  In my files I found a message sent by Pastor Laurie from the Sunday we were snowed out a few years ago.
“We are all meant to be mothers of God.  What good is it to me if this eternal birth of the divine Son takes place unceasingly but does not take place within myself?  And, what good is it to me if Mary is full of grace if I am not also full of grace?  What good is it to me for Creator to give birth to his Son If I do not also give birth to him in my time and my culture?  This, then, is the fullness of time:  When the Son of God is begotten in us” Meister Eckhart (14th Century)

• An e-mail newsletter “On Being with Krista Tippet” included a review of  “The Book of Customs: A complete Handbook for the Jewish Year”.   The phrase “navigating life while marking sacred time” stood out.  I am reminded of my desire to understand more of our Jewish heritage.

• The MoTA e-news lead me to Bruce Flath’s review of “The Great Emergence How Christianity is Changing and Why” by Phyllis Tickle.   I was struck by the “observers think it will, rewrite Christian theology — and thereby North American culture — into something far more Jewish, more paradoxical, more narrative, and more mystical than anything the Church has had for the last seventeen or eighteen hundred years.”  I want to read this book.

• Kathy Truman’s Facebook post with Amy Grant singing “Breath of Heaven” (Mary’s song) the refrain “Hold me together, be forever near me” resonated with me.

 • Reflecting on Mary, the mother of God, the feminine God I think of our trip to Mexico City in October  Ed and I were both  unexpectedly moved  by the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe in the  Cathedral.  For me miracle of the shroud is the blending of cultures, symbols beliefs and faith.  It was powerful reminder of the  power and presence of  God, the Mother.

For the shepherds “Seeing was believing” For me experiencing God’s presence is belief. I am blessed on a daily basis to be part of our amazing church family.  God’s presence can be seen and felt in interactions, compassion, sharing, worshiping, discernment, studying and preparing ---Together we are navigating life while marking sacred time.

Do you ever feel the eager spiritual anticipation of the shepherds in Bethlehem?

How and when do you  “see” God in your life?

 Think of a time when you heard God's Word where you least expected it.  

  Have you shared those deep experiences with "everyone you've met?” With anyone?   

Hosea 11
When Israel was a child, I loved him, and I called my son out of Egypt.  But, as the saying goes, "The more they were called, the more they rebelled."  They never stopped offering incense and sacrifices to idols and other gods.  I took Israel by the arm and taught them to walk.   But they would not admit that I was the one who had healed them.  I led them with kindness and with love, not with ropes.  I held them close to me, as one holds an infant; I bent down to feed them.
I believe that we are still learning about God’s goodness and love for all.  Though at times we rebel and do not appear to listen and follow the message of love and kindness.  Today, we have many false gods and idols: money, power, celebrity and material possessions that grasp our attention.  It is easy to lose sight of God in our culture.
As I stand in the mist of the forest of life, I sometimes do not see things clearly. Then, a Spirit transcends my weakness and I am reminded to be kind and loving. The Teacher is and always has been by my side. He does not force me to enter his house of love and kindness but rather leads me to the threshold within my own mind.  I don’t always listen.  Sometime my faith  waivers.  However, I know that the loving Spirit is always with me in spite of my doubts.  And, I know that God is always with each of you by your side with love and gentle kindness.
Has a Teacher ever transcended through the mist of your doubt and shown you the loving way?  
Do you always listen to that voice?
When were you held in God's embrace?  When did you first experience God as a gentle God?  How is God leading you now?

-Ed Armstrong